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April 17, 2005
Life and just to journal.
So theres a few things to discuss. First is how life changes so much, so quickly. Its hard to believe its been nearly a year now since I moved. I think back to my life, the life between Josh and I, back in Rochester, and so much has happened. Yeah, I know you've heard it all before, but for some reason it seems I am never ableto express my inner thoughts.
For the first year or so of our relationship, I was passive, gave in to just about everything, and pretty much put my likes, dislikes, wants, desires, and most things, on the side for the relationship. I didnt care because it was who I was or so I thought.
After a being apart nearly 9 months, being in a new city, and having to create a life here for myself, I somehow discovered my own independence again and realized how much I missed it. I realized recently how much I did give up and put on the side and in a few short weeks, I will have to give it all up again. At least it feels that way.
Truth is Im afraid. Afraid that if I reclaim who I am, start being the individual again that I once was, I may just find that there isnt alot in common with Josh and that frightens me a bit. Can we still be the people we are without losing our identity? Can we be the people we are and still care so much about each other. I know we love each other very much but is that (or will that) be enough. I guess only time will tell.
So San Francisco. The land of stereotypes and fags. The land of bears in utility kilts (and theres a lot), masculine guys in dresses, the land where every starbucks (every corner) has a line going out the door. The land where gay is a population and straight is a community. The land of homeless people who are truly homeless. The land of the golden gate bridge, transamerica tower, Bart, Muni, golden gate park, union square, coit tower, castro, ghiradelli chocolate, Margeret Cho, fishermans wharf, alcatraz, bakers beach, and so much more. A land without a bathhouse.
Im not sure why Im writing about that stuff just for the sake of writing it and realizing once again what a fantastic city I live in. I do still find it odd that they havent over turned the law on bathhouses here yet. Its been 2 decades since they closed them down.
On one hand I can see the point, safe sex, but they have sex clubs for crying out loud. They have places that hold play parties, and pretty much one of the most sexual cities Ive been to. I would think regulating sexual activity via a bath house would be a great way to promote (and remind people about) safe sex.
So yesterday we went to Mr S leather..... For those who dont know, its like the Toys R Us of leather (and sex toys). We checked out the CB3000's, and also got to see a electric um... toy(s). They now have (and perhaps they always did) a cockring, but plug, straps, and such which connect to a battery pack which can be controlled with a remote.
You can use this for several toys (sold seperately). Cock ring, sends electric shocks under your testies, butt plug to stimulate your anus, and even straps where you can attach one to your arm, the other to someones dick and when you fist them, the arm band will touch the anus and stimulate the person being fisted. The remote comes in handy (which I saw demonstrated at The Eagle last Sunday) for being in a bar and being able to shock someone from a distance who is wearing the device. It was quite interesting and I soooooo want one.
On that note, tonight Josh and I are supposed to go to some concert. I forget what kind but Im definitely open to the new experience. I will let you know how it goes.
This week ahead? Job hunting, school stuff, and on Thursday I buy my bus ticket for Josh's graduation, Jasons plane ticket to come visit for pride, and thinking perhaps Margeret Cho tickets for June. I havent decided yet on that.
As for the work situation, Friday I went in for an interview and testing with a medical placement service. I did well on the testing which surprised me for some reason. I guess I knew I knew the info but I had never been tested on it and for the most part its been a while since I had training in billing and medical terminology.
I explained what I wanted and she really thought I should rework my resume from billing and health insurance to administrator type work. Those will pay what I want, and she seemed to think she could find me something in that field. Who knows what will happen but I did the work and emailed her a new resume.
Thats about it. Hope everyone had a great weekend and as always, I appreciate you reading. Comments always welcome.
Posted by Des at April 17, 2005 07:41 AM
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