Desmonds Doghouse

To give you some details on who I am and where I came from, I was born in NYC, more specifically, the northern part of the Bronx. I went to catholic school until I was about 10, when my parents decided we needed to move out of the city to give us a better life. I thought we were tame compared out our friends but some of my highlights were jumping out second story windows, getting caught by the cops at 9 years old lighting off fireworks, and my first french kiss at 9 (no wonder Im so good at it today - and yes, I really am).

My biggest memory though, is being in 2nd grade when my mom got a call from the principal. Being a catholic school, it was no wonder they were worried about me. My artistic and creative abilities came in early, and I had drawn a masterpiece picture of Jesus on the cross (taking a piss). It was one of the few times in my life that I got a whoopin'

At 10, we moved to upstate NY and went to school in a rural area on Lake Ontario called Wolcott. I did have a few fights in the beginning, as everyone assumed I was trying to be the tough kid from New York City. I really was just trying to fit in.

Finally graduating in 1987, I went straight into work and never went to college. I partied a lot, got into a huge battle with drugs (pot, coke, meth, lsd, mushrooms, and more). I spent several years going from job to job, and even went to work for menanites on a bus for a month building chicken houses for egg farms. How hippie is that. I went to a few dead shows, grew my hair long, and just had fun with life being buzzed. I even started shoplifting and new after being to court each week, and getting several DWI's, I knew change had to come.

A need to come out saved me and I finally found more of my friends moving on, moving away, and in myself a need to meet men. I was tired of holding on to my sexuality inside, knowing what I needed and knowing what everyone around me wouldnt understand. It was who I was, and not something I chose. It was hard to understand why I had this attraction to other men, and not the same attraction to girls. I needed to pursue it further but in my own time.

After being at so many jobs, I finally found myself at a local business in the center of town, and an owner who put an incredible amount of faith and trust in me. This eventually was also a major reason that I came to terms with everything and now at 23, I had to grow up. I somehow became responsible, and when the store closed, I went to work for a friend of mine (and his dad owned the store, and a few years earlier caught me shoplifting. In the 3 years I worked to clean up my act, he saw that and offered me a job. Its a good feeling knowing you can have redemption.

After working there for a few years, I started heading to Rochester where there were gay bars, gay men, and a gay life. I was scared, naive, nervous, but I started coming into my life. I finally got a job in Rochester, and moved there in 93.

I met my first partner after 6 months, and settled down for 2 1/2 years. I also learned what alcoholism really is. Thankfully he is sober now, but what I went through in that 2 1/2 years, no one should ever have to see that side of someone to the point of being scared half to death.

When that relationship ended, I believe this was really where my life started. I started bartending at a bar called Tara which at the time was considered "the old mans bar". It had been around for about 25 years, and had an older clientelle who had been out for years. I met some great people, and became a bit more popular which I had never felt before in my life. I was suddenly being seen for me, my personality, and who I am.

I worked there for about 7 years, and in turn did drag for the first time. It was another bar who was hosting a fund raiser after 911, to benefit the firefighters in NYC, as well as the gay youth group. They took bartenders from the city who are generally not in drag, and we performed for the cause.

After dating and being single for about 8 years, I finally met Josh, who was about 11 years younger, just coming out of a relationship, and very unsure as to where his life was going. He was from the bay area, and after about a year together, he figured out he wanted to go to school for massage therapy and help people. For me, I knew I wanted to get out of Rochester, and felt like I needed something bigger. I knew (and did) so many people in Rochester, that it just became too small. With this in mind we moved to San Francisco. He went to school up north, and I settled into my life in my new city.

After about 2 1/2 years, we finally ended things. We are still really great friends and I think we both can honestly say we owe each other for bringing us where we are. He is currently voted Best of the Bay for massage therapists (and made the Bay List). I started getting involved in the leather community, and more involved in the community as a whole.

I ran for SF Leather Daddys boy a few times and lost both times. I realize now that I would never have made a very good boy, and from recent wording from a friend, Im "too willful". I finally ran for the title of Mr Hayes Valley Leather and won in 2008. The title better represents me, and who I am. The title is a leather title from a drag bar. Marlenas has been around for a long time, and has always been known for being involved in the community. The bar is also known for inclusion rather than exclusive which comes from so many gear/leather bars out there. I believe we segment ourselves to target specific audiences, and in the process alienate those people who arent exactly black or white (not to mention those who identify with it all).

In my title year, I met a lot of great people, got to know many people from the Imperial Council here in San Francisco, Emperors, and Empresses. I made a lot of brothers (my Hayes Valley Leather family is among the most amazing group of people), and competed at IML (International Mr Leather). IML was an amazing experience. I met 50 great men from around the world and although I didnt do as great as I wanted, I realized something valuable. After spending 5 days with these men, I saw inside their hearts. There was a reason they were here and regardless of who won, there would be so many people going back to their cities, and doing some incredible things with their title. I made brothers all around the world who several I still see and keep in touch with. To name a few who I admire, respect, and absolutely adore, Martin Grimm (Mr Bavarian Leather 2008), Martin Cedergren (Mr Leather Europe 2007), Matt Pavelich (Mr Leatherman Toronto 2008), Jake Anderson (Mr Bolt Leather 2008), Kenneth Anthony (Mr Phoenix Leather 2008), Scott Mallinger (Mr Philadelphia Leather 2008), Randall Davis (Mr Leather Cowboy 2007), Russ Woolmore (Mr Hoist 2008), TygerYoshi (Mr Central CA Leather), James Finley (Mr Detroit Eagle 2008), Freddie Marshall (Mr Chicago Leather 2008). Although I dont keep in touch with all of them, they all have touched my life in some way, and I have the deepest respect for these men.

During my title year, and then some (2 1/2 years), I was with a great man, who stood by me the whole time and helped me through it all. As of recent, we have decided that neither was getting what we wanted through the relationship, and although we rarely fought, and had a lot in common, it wasnt something that was worth holding on to, and was just holding us back. We decided to call it quits on December 2nd, 2009 and as of now I am single, dating, and/or looking to play.

That about concludes everything for now. If you have questions, need help, or are interested in anything that Ive said, feel free to send me a message. I dont bite (much).....